i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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