I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
