I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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