Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Girls should come with a carfax report
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
