he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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