shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
