last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
