i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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