Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
