i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
