Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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