I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
