____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
