Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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