I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
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