i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
