Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
