And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
