we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
