why im i the only drunk person in the library?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
