I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
