So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
