Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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