I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
