standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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