I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
