yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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