Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
