sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
