You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
