I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
