my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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