we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
