I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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