If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
