bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
