She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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