I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
