belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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