you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
