I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
