i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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