I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
