So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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