I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
