Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
