No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
