i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
