im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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