I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
