she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
