Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
either way he was missing a nipple.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
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