And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
